Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3:20-21
This post is to help out my fellow theater actors, and actresses. Although I am sure anyone will get a kick out of some of these monologues.
Finding monologues for an audition or even for a performance is hard. If you struggle like I do let me give you some of the monologues I have found. Whether you are looking for dramatic or comedic it is hard, but here are some you might find fixes your dilemma.
Comedic:
From: The Goonies
Title: Chunk's Confession
Date: 1985
Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out...But the worst thing I ever done -- I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: Bla-blaa-blaaaaaa!!! -- and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
From: "Extracts From Adam's Diary," and, "Eve's Diary"
Date: 1904-1906
By: Mark Twain
DAIRY ONE: EVE: We are getting along very well indeed, now, and getting better and better acquainted. He does not try to avoid me any more, which is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. That pleases me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to increase his regard. During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, for he has no gift in that line, and is evidently very grateful. He can't think of a rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an awkward silence. In this way I have saved him many embarrassments. I have no defect like this. The minute I set eyes on an animal I know what it is. I don't have to reflect a moment; the right name comes out instantly, just as if it were an inspiration, as no doubt it is, for I am sure it wasn't in me half a minute before. I seem to know just by the shape of the creature and the way it acts what animal it is.
When the dodo came along he thought it was a wildcat--I saw it in his eye. But I saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that could hurt his pride. I just spoke up in a quite natural way of pleasing surprise, and not as if I was dreaming of conveying information, and said, "Well, I do declare, if there isn't the dodo!" I explained--without seeming to be explaining-- how I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little piqued that I knew the creature when he didn't, it was quite evident that he admired me. That was very agreeable, and I thought of it more than once with gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it!
DAIRY TWO: ADAM: This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. I get no chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered--it LOOKS like the thing. There is a dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. I built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always talking. The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--GARDEN OF EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it LOOKS like a park, and does not look like anything BUT a park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. And already there is a sign up: KEEP OFF THE GRASS. My life is not as happy as it was. She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive signs: THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL; THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND; CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY. I escaped last Tuesday night, and traveled two days, and built me another shelter in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things; among others; to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each other, and that would introduce what, as I understand, is called "death"; and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts.
Shortened Adam's Monologue:
DAIRY TWO: ADAM: This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this. I wish it would stay with the other animals. I get no chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered--it LOOKS like the thing. There is a dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. I wish it would not talk; it is always talking.
The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--GARDEN OF EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it LOOKS like a park, and does not look like anything BUT a park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed it seems to me. And already there is a sign up: KEEP OFF THE GRASS. My life is not as happy as it was. She has littered the whole estate with unpleasant names and offensive signs: THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL; THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND; CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY. She engages herself in many foolish things; among others; to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each other, and that would introduce what, as I understand, is called "death"; and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park…Which is a pity, on some accounts.
From: Little Women
By: Lousia May Alcott
Date: 1868
Jo: I ain’t a lady! And if turning up my hair makes me one, I’ll wear it in two
tails till I’m twenty. I hate to think I’ve got to grow up and be Miss March, and
wear long gowns, and look as prim as China Aster. It’s bad enough to be a girl,
anyway, when I like boys’ games and work, and manners. I can’t get over my
disappointment in not being a boy, and it’s worse now than ever, for I’m dying
to go and fight with Papa, and I can only stay at home and knit like a poky old
woman.
From: Anne of Green Gables
By: Lucy Maud Montgomery
Date: 1908
Anne: Mrs. Lynde, I'm extremely sorry I behaved so terribly. I've disgraced my good friends who've let me stay at Green Gables on trial, even though I'm not a boy. I am wicked and ungrateful, and I deserve to be cast out forever. What you said was true; I am skinny and ugly, and my hair is red. What I said about you was true too, only I shouldn't have said it. Please, Mrs. Lynde, forgive me. You wouldn't be so cruel as to inflict a life-long sorrow on a poor orphan. Please. Please, forgive me.
Dramatic Monologues:
From: Beauty and the Beast
Title: Beauty and the Beast Prologue
Date: 1991
Narattor:
Once upon a time, in a faraway land,
A young Prince lived in a shining castle.
Although he had everything his heart desired,
The Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.
But then, one winter's night,
An old beggar woman came to the castle
And offered him a single Rose
In return for shelter from the bitter cold.
Repulsed by her haggard appearance,
The Prince sneered at the gift,
And turned the old woman away.
But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances,
For Beauty is found within.
And when he dismissed her again,
The old woman's ugliness melted away
To reveal a beautiful Enchantress.
The Prince tried to apologize, but it was too late,
For she had seen that there was no love in his heart.
And as punishment,
She transformed him into a hideous beast,
And placed a powerful spell on the castle,
And all who lived there.
Ashamed of his monstrous form,
The beast concealed himself inside his castle,
With a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.
The Rose she had offered,
Was truly an enchanted rose,
Which would bloom for many years.
If he could learn to love another,
And earn her love in return
By the time the last petal fell,
Then the spell would be broken.
If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast
For all time.
As the years passed,
He fell into despair, and lost all hope,
For who could ever learn to love...a Beast?
From: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Title: Elizabeth's Monologue
Date: 2007
Elizabeth: Then, what shall we die for? You will listen to me! Listen! The Brethren will
still be looking here, to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead. And what will they
see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free
men and freedom! And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They
will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do. By the
sweat of our brows and the strength of our backs, and the courage of our
hearts. Gentlemen. Hoist the colors!
From: Remember the Titans
Title: Take a Lesson From the Dead
Date: 2000
Coach Boone: Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fightin' the same fight that we're still fightin' amongst ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pourin' right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, you take a lesson from the dead.
If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other right now, but you will respect each other. And maybe - I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men.
From: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Title: There's Some Good in the World
Date: 2002
I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. And I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turnin' back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holdin' on to something...That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.
From: Ratatouille
Title: Food Critic's Review
Date: 2007
Critic: In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends.
Last night, I experienced something new, an extra-ordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto: 'Anyone can cook.' But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau's, who is, in this critic's opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau's soon, hungry for more.
From: Brighton Beach Memoirs
By: Neil Simon
Date: 1983
Nora: (My father?) Oh, he was so handsome. Always dressed so
dapper, his shoes always shined. I always thought he should have been a movie
star…like Gary Cooper… only very short. Mostly, I remember his pockets.
When I was six or seven, he always brought me home a little
surprise. Like a Hershey or a top. He’d tell me to go get it in his coat
pocket. So I’d run to the closet and put my hand in and it felt as big as a
tent. I wanted to crawl in there and go to sleep. And there were all these
terrific things in there, like Juicy Fruit gum or Spearmint Life Savers and
bits of cellophane and crumbled pieces of tobacco and movie stubs and nickels
and pennies and rubber bands and paper clips and gray suede gloves that he wore
in the wintertime.
Then I found his coat in Mom’s closet and I put my hand in his
pocket. And everything was gone. It was emptied and dry-cleaned and it felt
cold…and that’s when I knew he was really dead.
I hope these monologues will be able to help those who need them! Many of the monologue work for either gender as well, such as the one from The Goonies, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Have fun and enjoy!
I was completely confused. I had heard another girl early that morning mention Lent, but I paid no attention to it. I remember thinking along the lines of this after being asked the first question, "Lint? I don't know, I have never really had a problem with lint. I guess I just wash my clothes enough that it just comes out before it builds up." I usually have plenty of bobby pins in my pockets but no lint. I thought lint was one of the weirdest and most random subjects to bring up. Why were we even talking about it? Obviously they saw my weird and quite confused look, and proceeded to fill me in on the season of LENT. Which has nothing to do with your pockets! 
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