Three Strikes

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

~Ephesians 2:10

This last school year I got the pleasure of taking an English 101 class. I can honestly say it challenged me for the better in my writing and speech making skills. This last week of class we were given the opportunity to write our on creative story. There were some amazing stories written, and I was honored to be amongst such talent. Unfortunately I do not have copies of those stories, but I do have a copy of mine to share with you. 

  Three Strikes

I have played every sport in the book, from Basketball and football, to red rover and Chinese checkers! You may be wondering why I have played so many sports, but let me just start out by saying it is not because I am some super genius athlete. The problem lies there. I am about as much of an athlete as my grandmother is a singer. It is awful. Not that I'm not good at a sport, what is awful is her singing. Sounds worse then a pelican crying for help while he chokes on a fish! But it's the heart that counts.

The first real sport I ever tried, was skipping rope, otherwise known as jumping rope. It started when my mother told me to, "get involved," "You need to make friends!" She would tell me everyday. I tried jump rope. Mom was sure I was going to make friends!  She was right, I did make a friend, his name was concrete and he hurt.

After that failed experience Dad encouraged me to try something more manly. I went as manly as I could think. I joined the sport of rodeo. Cowboys are pretty manly, right? I was sure it was my fit. I mean riding bucking horses this was perfect! The problem was instead of riding them I spent most of time flying through the air over them. After failing to perform this sport properly, I was given what they said would be the manliest job ever...the rodeo clown. After spending one day running for my life, I realized the rodeo was not for me.

After that bucking experience, I thought maybe I could choose a manly sport that kept my feet firmly on the ground. I found the perfect match. It was chess boxing.  Chess boxing is just like it sounds, it’s chess and boxing.  All you do is rotate from one to the other. Box for four minutes, chess for four minutes. Sounds easy right? It wasn’t, the sport was horrible. How could someone expect you to think logically after being pummeled in the head by a 200-pound kid. I broke the record, I am sure, for the most broken bones in four minutes.

Three strikes, if this had been a great big baseball game I would be out. My mom was still determined I was going to make friends. I was quickly signed up for unicycle hockey, a team sport. Balancing, balls, swinging sticks, nothing could go wrong there. Let me just say whoever invented this so called "sport", did not consider that balls being whacked everywhere, is not good when your on wheels. The only thing I managed to do for my team was to show the opponents my awesome spastic ninja skills as I hit the ground. I could see the fear in their eyes.

I tried underwater football, snow kiting, logrolling, cluster ballooning, sky surfing, rattlesnake round up, toe wrestling, hamster racing, and many others. I thought I would never find a sport. I was tried of making friends, and tired of being manly. I was tired of the disaster that seemed to follow me everywhere. I was giving up, if only there was ultimate sandwich making, or a race in messing up your room, those I could do. I wanted something solo, something that does not require muscles big enough to pull a train, I wanted a break.

Our family decided to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. “Family bonding” is what my parents called it. We got there and were looking at the canyon when I looked up and saw him. No, not an angel, it was a man ironing his shirt. I went over and asked him what he was doing. It was then and there that I found out about the sport of extreme ironing. Perfect! Imagine how amazing it would be to iron around the world. On top of Mount Everest, on the Great Wall of China, by the Great Pyramids. Just do not try it in the pool. I found out the hard way water and electricity do not mix...

 The End

I hope you you enjoyed it! :D